Much like that great god, Janus…


2014INSIDE1This passed year has been arguably one of the most significant in my life, so far. It has seen me grow and transform into something closer to what I should be. I’m calmer, kinder, softer, wiser. I appreciate my parents more, I appreciate my Britishness more, I appreciate my Indianness more. I’ve made real friends and I’ve learnt to appreciate more the real friends I have left behind. I have been hurt but I have learnt to move on from that, carrying less pain than I probably would have done in the past and I have risen stronger, surer of myself.

Do you know the biggest thing this year is that I’ve re-identified myself? A paradigm shift has occurred inside me. I’m not a teacher anymore. I’m a writer. I am a writer. A sentence so significant, I had to say it twice. And this is what I was meant to do.

The reason I say this is because I find myself lost in a moment when in a gathering. I cease to exist except to observe, I find myself mentally searching for a notepad to write down whatever it is that I am immersed in. I have no conversation to add, nothing intelligent or apt to say. No experiences of any worth to share and that’s perfectly fine. I am like a phantom; you will see me only if you look, and believe me, that’s just the way I like it.

Everyone else is far more interesting. I like the way they sing their hearts out to songs that have touched their souls, dancing away the workday, in their suits and their blazers. I love the way they lick their fingers as they relish that last momo, wiping away the red sauce, smearing their thali clean. I love the way, hand on heart, gestures and smiles and assertions, they make, as they dance with their husbands, pleading for ‘five more minutes, please, I love this song!

The rattan stools, the golden Buddha on the wall, the children running, laughing, busy with one thing or another until their parents, happily embarrass them with their flamboyant vocals and total disregard for the rules of adulthood.

So looking ahead, I pray that 2014 is as kind as 2013. I pray the conviction to achieve remains with me long into the year and beyond. I pray that I never lose sight of what is truly important and that ambition does not overshadow kindness. I pray for the wisdom to know how to pick myself up when I fall and the strength to be the strength for those who ask it of me.

May 2014 bring dreams to fruition and gladness to our hearts.

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