Don’t you just hate Halloween? I am the Scrooge of All Hallow’s Eve or whatever the f*#£ they decide to call it. This Americanised, bastardised evil which is upon us means nothing to me except, of course, entitled children demanding sugary treats, sometimes accompanied by smug, sometimes tired looking adults, sometimes “in the effing spirit of it all”, dressed up like a sexy cat! What’s all that about? Bestiality or something? Leave me alone to enjoy my evening away from people. Anyway! F-off Halloween and take your crappy, carved monstrosities of the organic fruit and veg isle, with you!